I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
