dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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