Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
