Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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