I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
