I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
