I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
