Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
it glows. i had to have it.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
