she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
