Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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