where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
