I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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