there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
