My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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