I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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