your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
i drank out of a bidet.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
