"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
