YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
