Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
