I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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