lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
