The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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