I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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