Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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