ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
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I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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