I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont even know how to be here
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You ruined the universe
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
