I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
