I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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