ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
