I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
