so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
