My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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