i permit you to call me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
