Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
