he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
