Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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