Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
