So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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