My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
