oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
