walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
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There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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