o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
