I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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