If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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