She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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