Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
