What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
