Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
