i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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