Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
