Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
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My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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