I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
