wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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