Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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