I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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