FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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