i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
