This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
