you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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