i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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