i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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