From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream