You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
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It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.