He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.