So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Acid is not a monday night drug
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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