this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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