My nipple is on Facebook.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
