i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
