i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Drake has all the answers
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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