Yo dont text me then not text me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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