I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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