I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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