we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it glows. i had to have it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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