I accidentally had phone sex last night
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
