I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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