I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
