What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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