Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
