Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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