Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
