And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
