I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
